Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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