You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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