Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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