Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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