I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
