my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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