My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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