yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
