omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
