things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
