theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
