my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
