it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
