You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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