I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
