and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
