i think i have two assholes
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
