I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
