Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
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Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
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I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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