I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
