Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize