Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
