The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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