peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
