im drinking this country out of the recession.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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