I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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