so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
