I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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