i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
