Where did you get a picture of my penis
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
being pregnant is like rehab
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
