that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
