If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
