he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
