Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
sarcasm needs its own font
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
