So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
