i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
