just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
this will be a night to untag.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
