Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
