I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
