I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
