it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
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Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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