Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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