Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
