I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
