Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
