Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
