dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
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mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
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I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
as a side note pls kill me
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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