I'm lost and stupid without you.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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