I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
