i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize