a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
did i just pee glitter
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
