Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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