3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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