If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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