i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
