Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
