Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
