all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
