i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
