just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
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just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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