My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i love accidental penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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