I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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