I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
