So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize