your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
