6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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