I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
