hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
