dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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