I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
