Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
