He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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