I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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