Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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