I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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