I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
