ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
