I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
