Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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