How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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