You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
